School is about to be in session and I am already concerned that by mid-terms I will need to call my GP overseas so that she can up my dosage of anti-anxiety medication--again. If history chooses to repeat itself, my agenda should catalogue my days to look something like this: my mood will somewhat stabilize, my appetite will expand, I will only have one more breakdown when a guy I barely know ghosts me right before Valentine's day, go to a mediocre music festival in my hometown, and then I will begin the summer with a doctor's visit to lower my prescription back down to my starting dosage. Sounds about right.
However familiar or dissimilar you find your life's ups and downs to mimic the above sob story I relinquish to share, one thing you and I more likely have in common is the particular question we both ask ourselves: do I need a therapist?
I am more than positive that I do. I started asking this question when I was seventeen. With all the time that has passed between that first silent query four years ago and the playlist of questions I asked myself upon waking up this morning, there is little room for doubt anymore. I, a fourth-year university student, aspiring artist, and woman with GAD/SAD, could sincerely benefit from going to therapy once ever two weeks.
Here are some hints that you might need it, too.
i. the "this is why i need therapy!" joke
You know what I'm taking about. I usually end long-winded psychoanalyses of myself on a lighter note by concluding with: "See, this is why I need a therapist!" and then everybody I'm with laughs. It's kind of funny if only because it's true, but it really shouldn't be. And really, we're all usually laughing around our happy hour cocktails and french fries because we all can't help but agree.Yeah, I really should go to therapy.
Maybe this sign should be an obvious one, but it's not like it's ever kicked you out the door with the motivation to go wellness-hunting. It's been how many years of using that punchline and you've still never gone?
Exactly.
ii. you're self-aware but still feel very lost
Back to that long-winded self-analysis I was talking about. So maybe you know some stuff about who you are and what makes you you. You know that your name is Sarah, you know that your favourite colour is green, and you know that lately you've been experiencing a lot of negative thoughts and feelings.
Okay, great. Maybe you know even more than that: name's Sarah, likes green, is feeling negative, and there are some other minuscule things you've read up on once or twice, like depression, anxiety; and if you know you, those may be the propellents of that negativity that's been cluttering your schedule this month. Not that we're in the business of solely relying on self-diagnosis, of course, but I think you should have enough faith in yourself to follow along on WebMD and read the symptoms that are screaming your name. That is, if you can be trusted to use WebMD without totally spiralling, and suddenly you've convinced yourself that you have eight other unrelated medical illnesses and a rare disease that isn't even found in your region. Unnecessary WebMD-induced panic aside, if you can give a name and a measure to what you're dealing with, it's safe to say you're almost halfway there.
Almost.
The thing that you still don't seem to know is just about everything else. For instance, how often do you find yourself having these mood swings? How long have you really been feeling this way? Or whatever happened that made you even realize you had all of these symptoms? (Again, take that WebMD-induced panic with a grain of salt.) More importantly, what can you do to manage all of it? One of your options for answering some of those questions is therapy.
iii. or, you haven't got a clue
Sometimes you don't know anything beyond the facts of what's right in front of you: you just woke up but it's almost 2pm; your socks are on, you haven't seen your pants in days, and the mirror refuses to look at you; and there is an empty bag "rolled" Doritos (read: knock-off Takis) between your legs, and you have no recollection of it ever getting in bed with you.
You may now know a fourth thing, too, that being that all of these observations seem to conclude: you need help.
iv. you really need someone to talk to
You could have a life filled with the most caring friends, the most nurturing parents or guardians, and the most empathetic mentors, and still have no one to talk to. People are busy! They have prior commitments, and other friend groups, and personal conflicts that can get in the way of you working up the courage to even consider asking: "Hey. Can I talk to you about something?" So when that happens, and keeps happening, and you have no verbal outlet, it's probably time to try something new.
(P.S. when you make it to that step of something new, your therapist will probably be curious about what kind of support system you have in your personal life. And if you do have one, but just don't feel comfortable being that vulnerable with them, that might be something you and your therapist can work through together!)
v. you already know that it works!
Your favourite Netflix series have encouraged their characters to seek professional help. The celebrities you stalk on Instagram have opened up about their importance of therapy in their 70 Questions with Vogue or an ATTN IGTV appearance. Whoever it is you're watching, there are patients that are telling you that it's the smart, helpful decision to make for yourself.
Being good about your physical health and dietary needs or maintaining a balance between your social and work lives can be really helpful! But that doesn't mean it makes what's going on psychologically disappear. All of that good stuff isn't always enough. You might need more guidelines in place to get you to where you need to be.
When you get down to the bare bones of it, therapy is just like any other doctor's visit. Seeing your G.P. and getting a physical for preventative healthcare for your body is just like going to a psychiatrist to examine your present mental well-being. And treatment works the same way between your mind and your body: if you go to the doctor's office with a flu, pick up your prescription of antivirals, but then refuse to take them, you're not going to get better as quickly; so if you enter a therapy session and don't practice the exercises you're given, or at least let your guard down, it's not going to work to manage your symptoms, either.
and it's more accessible than you think
Yes, depending on the city you live in, a therapist can cost you a good $200 a session, but there's a lot more out there available to you. You could use a mental health directory to find a sliding scale therapist, someone who adjusts their costs to fit their clients' needs. Try websites like GoodTherapy or the Open Path Psychotherapy Collective if you have a tighter budget.
Another option is to try remote therapy through apps like BetterHelp and Talkspace. If you're someone who does not have the luxury of traveling to another person's office for a session, then bring the session to you with a simple video call. Getting a doctor's visit without leaving the house or tidying up for company? Winner winner mental health dinner.
I offer this next option cautiously. If you're a student in university, your school should have free mental health resources, including a limited number of counsellors and mental health nurses. A counsellor is not a clinical psychologist, meaning they do not have the same level of qualifications, but both can make mental health evaluations and perform psychotherapy. My personal experiences with university counsellors in the past aside, I would still argue that having an informed, maybe only somewhat helpful outlet can be healthier than having no outlet at all.
That doesn't mean you're going to find the best fit for you right away, of course. You might be an online session person, but maybe the professionals you're working with don't communicate in a way that works for you. Or you might find the perfect doctor for you, but you might not have the means to meet them regularly if they're out of town and you're busy with writing papers or taking people's cappuccino orders. Finding the right therapist is often a very Goldilocks-like exercise, and sometimes, it takes trying out many different bowls of self-help porridge before you find the one that's just right.
in short
It's normal to need help. It's normal to feel scared. So make it normal to ask for the help you need, and help yourself not feel so scared anymore.
Most importantly? Take your time. You'll get there soon.
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